Diwali for all, and for some, just another day.

The fog was dense, a little artificial you could say, by the smell of it. The burning smell of gun powder still made it a little hard to breathe but not too much to complain about. Diwali celebrations ran all night long in the colony with sounds, each louder than the previous one, and of rockets buzzing towards the sky and bursting with a loud bang, spreading colours of happiness and satisfaction. But now, 7 hours after all of it, in the morning, the consequences were coming to life. GHMC workers crowded the streets, singing to themselves and cleaning the left overs of the crackers. They collected them all, piled in a 3 feet high dump, it was left to burn. You could hear in intervals, the crackers which weren't lucky enough to burst the other night, burning now. I watched it for a minute while passing by, my nose covered with my hand, a gesture of false satisfaction that I can smell nothing that way. I couldn't help but smile when I thought, every morning after every Diwali, it’s the time of municipal workers. They clean, they dump and they burn. And to their luck, at least half of the crackers in the piles they collect, burn just as new. They would stand there looking at the flames and ash falling out with force as each unburnt cracker, burst, before they moved on to a new lane.

I walked a little further, towards the shop I was headed to, half of me lost in the thoughts I had in mind and the other half concentrating on songs I was listening to, over the earphones. “BAMM”, and a small kid runs into me from nowhere. As I bend down to help him get up, he gets back on his feet and starts running again. I try to look back at him and I see another kid pass by me in a hurry. I stop and turn back, staring at them because something seemed strange about them. Both of them were shabbily dressed with uncombed hair and loose clothes. One of them held his shorts to his waist with both his hands as he ran. They both stopped in front of the pile of burning crackers and stared. For a minute it seemed right as I thought they were enjoying the scene for they wouldn't have celebrated yesterday which I could tell from their clothes. They watched, as the fire engulfed everything, whispering to each other and pointing fingers here and there.
“WTF”, I shouted to myself, for what I saw next was hard to believe. I ran towards them, trying to reach there fast and not caring about the earphones that slipped and got tangled in between my feet. One of the kids suddenly put his hand in the fire and started spreading the pile, while the other one tried to stamp it with his feet, his bare feet. I shouted as I reached them, trying to intimidate, asking them what they were up to. I could see, they were pretty successful in putting out the fire within seconds. Now just a little of it remained at the sides while there was still 1 feet high dump of scrap left, in the middle. One of the kids responded to me while the other one was still busy searching something in there, in between those burning ashes. I asked them, “What are you trying to do?”. Looking up at me, still holding his shorts with one hand the kid replied, “Anna, we are trying to find crackers to burn”. Still trying to figure out what he said, I told him, “These are the burnt crackers. What do you hope to find in a huge pile of scrap? Go away from here and don’t do this again. You can end up burning your fingers. Be careful”. They both just chuckled at my face, “we do this after every Diwali. We don’t get to buy crackers, because mom says crackers are for rich people. So we just sit down on the flyover and look at the sky on every Diwali. And next day morning, we wait for the cleaners to pile it up and burn so that we can search for unburnt ones. We then take them back to burn with other friends”, they said. I couldn't speak for a minute as I looked at their innocent faces, moved by what I just learned, a harsh truth so hard to accept that we choose to ignore it. There are people around us who hope for just a little, and when we fail to help them, they go around trying to find a used piece of happiness, to find that little they aspire for. “Where do you live?”, I asked them for I couldn't digest the picture of two small kids sitting on the flyover at midnight. “There”, they pointed as they held up their hands to show me a small hut supported by the pillars of the flyover, just as small to fit in four people at the most, and safe, well it was a word far from what I could feel.

“Here, take this money and buy yourself some new crackers and promise me, never to do this again”, I said as I reached out for my wallet and handed them a few hundreds. “Mom will scold us for taking the money. Take back these two notes, Anna. We’ll keep these two. We don’t need many crackers so we’ll buy rice for mom and dad”, they replied with so much maturity for that age and handed me over the rest of the money. I insisted them taking all of it, but they looked at each other, smiled and simply nodded in denial. “I am getting late. I’ll see you guys around but be careful with those crackers”, I spoke in a hurry as I swiped a call from my mom into silence mode. I had totally forgot that she asked me to get back early with the packet of milk I was supposed to buy for the morning tea for an unexpected guest. I felt happy as I turned around and smiled to myself, tugging in my earphones. “Anna”, I heard’ both of them shout from behind. I turned back saying, “What?”, struggling with my earphones. “Will you come for next Diwali?”, they asked me politely as I walked back up to them. I looked down at them, smiling, “Sure, we’ll sit down together on the flyover next time to look at the rockets in the sky”, I replied. And as I walked back, I prayed God to put them out of what they were, to somehow wipe away their hardships and to give them a better Diwali, next year.

Nobody is wrong and nobody is right. All of us, we ask God for so many things. So many things even when we have more than what we would ever need. So this Diwali, as you light up “Diyas” at your place. Light a few more, just for all these people and pray to God to give them at least half of what we have. Let’s be selfless for once, just once. HAPPY DIWALI 

- Azad Hussain

A love, so unconditional.

To the best couple possible, I take this chance to introduce people to a love that i have seen grow over these two years. Well, it would be good not to spell out the names here because then it would feel limited to them. While some parts of this a fictitious, some really happened. These two people i am writing about here are one of the best things that could ever happen to me.
So here we go...

She was waiting by the door. Happy she was, like never before. She leaned on to the balcony platform, resting her head against the support rods. She played with her hair, rolling it in her fingers and then tugging it back, behind her ears. One could tell she was anxious, curious and looking forward to something. Her smile had a million secrets and with every passing minute, it got wider. Closing her eyes as she hugged herself, breathing softly, falling into the thoughts that wandered in her mind. She remembered how she fell in love with him, nothing at first and then slowly as he charmed her into a world she had never seen. She remembered how she fought over an ice cream, that he did not want her to eat as it could worsen her cough. On the way back, they did not speak a word until she got down and he murmured a sweet “goodnight”. 12’ o clock, as she heard a knock on the door. No one was around as she peeked in through the key hole. She swiftly opened the door and her eyes stared at something shining on the floor. A card over a box that looked like it was packed in hurry and placed carefully over the doormat, said, “I couldn’t go home like this”. Inside it, was a freshly made Mc Flurry with “sorry” written over the chocolate with whipped cream. Impressed and immensely happy, she munched on it, thinking how sweet he could be at times. She opened her eyes and looked at the gate, only to see he was not yet home. Setting her hair again that had crawled back to the forehead, as the wind slapped a gush of fresh air in her face. She sat on the couch, relaxing her legs, falling back into her thoughts she was clouded with.

He was driving back in a hurry. He had promised her he would be home early but his last minute conversation with his boss took long to conclude. He did manage to get out early but took long to figure out the color of roses he should buy for her, at the flower shop he had just left. He was anything but scared of disappointing her on that day. It was so special for him. He had always loved her so much, so much that he could do anything for her, if she asked. But that’s what the problem was, she never asked anything. Her eyes could keep him hypnotized for life. He could remember all those times when he tried to catch her eyes, even if he seemed stupid to others, back at college, where he had first met her. The first look, he could still remember. She was innocent, calm and scared as she tried to look normal, afraid that he was a senior. He had always known that one day she would fall into his arms, never to get up and to sing him happiness with her smile. He smiled as he remembered how she would apologize for everything even if he was at fault, indicating nothing in the world for her was as important as him. The seat right next to him, where she sat quietly on their first long drive to her friend’s marriage reminded him of her. He could feel her presence right then, as James Blunt sang on the radio, “You’re beautiful”. She would look at him, trying hard to read his mind. His heart pounded as he turned his car into the lane. He could see his house at the far right end with a single light shining over the balcony.

Her concentration broke again. And this time it wasn’t the wind but a revving engine, lighting up the parking space as he drove cautiously into the garage. This was it, she couldn’t hide her happiness. But it escaped through her eyes and she knew, she would get caught smiling no matter what. And who could read her eyes, better than him.

He pulled the parking brake as he started collecting his briefcase and over coat, hiding the flowers beneath them. He pulled his tie up a little bit, setting the collar, and running his fingers through his hair. He had to look at his best, he thought. Snapping the door behind him, he locked it. Getting weak in the knees with each step he approached the balcony and towards the shining light he could feel love sweat through his skin.
“Hey baby, I am sorry..I..my boss..”, he stammered as she walked into the shimmering light. He could not remember the last time that she had looked so breathtakingly beautiful.

“Sssshh”, she whispered as she reached out to him, hugging him softly and planting a kiss on his cold cheek, comforting him that she did not mind him getting late.
“Wish I could stay at home today, we could have made it special”, he said, setting his stuff on the couch.

Their first wedding anniversary it was. Exactly 1 year ago, the same day they had sworn to stay by each other’s side, forever.
“Let’s go out for dinner, I’ll book a table at Over the Moon”, he said looking into his phone.
“Don’t worry, Vinnie”, she stopped him. “Follow me”, she said as she held his hand, leading him through the main door and towards the terrace.

“Close your eyes”, she demanded and covered his eyes, getting on to her toes to match up with his height from behind.

“Push the door”, was what he heard next, in the series of her commands, and he obeyed her words like a devotee. She led him through the door and he could feel the air breathing life in him. She removed her hands and reached out to his ears, whispering over them, “Open them”. He was amazed at what he looked. A table full of eatables, sorted in the best way possible, with plates upside down and glasses filled with red wine, right under the moon. He could not express what he felt, as his heart froze at what his eyes were looking at, and he fell down to his knees before her holding her hand. She sat down, just in front of him, moving closer to him, she kissed his forehead and uttered, “Happy Anniversary, Vinnie”.

He smiled at her. Holding her face in his hands, he asked her to stand up. He pulled out the roses and a box that he had hid in this inner pocket of the coat he had on. Holding her hand, looking into her eyes, he lifted up the flowers to her, saying, “Happy Birthday, sweetheart”. She couldn’t speak for a minute when she realized she had totally forgotten about her birthday until he wished her. She sat down close, hugging him as tightly as she could, moving her fingers through his hair.

Leaning against the wall, gulping down their glasses of wine, they sat tugged close, feeling complete in each other’s arms. Looking at the moon figuring out the shapes that the stars made, and laughing over them, they were in a world they belong to. The moon shined its best that night, showering down love on them as each of them felt the same at heart, “happy to have made it to this”.

Their love was phenomenal, a journey full of life. And you could watch them for life, like two kids content with their gifts, they sat, completing, complimenting and celebrating each other’s presence.

- Azad Hussain.

An illusion, so real.

I sit here, on a concrete block, in-between haphazardly parked bikes and cars in the college parking, a little far away from the classes and a little too close to the main gate. Four years, this has been the most crowded place in the college, with girls chirping around like birds, talking about crazy guys on facebook and guys, trying out almost everything from walking like a macho-man to braking their cars hard hoping girls would turn around hearing the screech. But today it was different.
This place was silent. So silent that I could hear the whispers of the security guards talking. I was the only soul amidst the engines that were alive a few moments ago before people pulled the keys off. And with a sudden breeze, as I try to close my eyes not to let the dust get in, I feel a hand in my hair, gently brushing it sideways and trying to convey, “It’s me”. As I look back to see who it was, she settles down next to me with her bag in the lap and her hands folded around her stomach. She looked beautiful like she always did. Her hair falling down on to her cheeks on one side and her hands involuntarily putting it back behind the ears. She sat there without speaking a word, just looking at me now and then, hoping I would start the conversation. I couldn’t resist but look at her again for she looked new every time our eyes met. Her eyes were a little dizzy and I could tell, she did not sleep last night and may be, she cried. Less of a speaker, she always listened to me like a kid and right then I could feel, she wanted me to talk so she would know, I am not angry anymore. I did not want to speak because I knew, all my words would go waste when I would finish and she replies “It cannot happen. Forget me. Please”. She was looking down at her slippers that she wore, playing with a stone, rolling it from one side to another. We did not speak a word but we were connected, it seemed. I make up my mind to put out the false ego aside and speak up. I turn towards her, facing her ears and as I was almost about to say Hi, when she whispers without making any eye contact, “Sorry, I want you back for life, forever. The rolling stone stops just between her feet and in the silence I try to find the voice that I just heard. Before I could speak up again, she slides her fingers into mine and inclines her head on my chest, her favorite place, and says, “I would never leave you again! I promise”. I wrap my hand around her back, holding her tight to let her know, I too wouldn’t. With a keen excitement to look at her smile, I lift her chin up and I smile, only to see her watery eyes, and her lips, trembling. I wipe her tears as I slide the strands of her hair back, behind her ears and hold her face in my palms, feeling her cheeks, and I ask her to smile. She smiles and I fall in love a little more and I feel proud, I could wait for this long. A place, so boring and so lifeless, just a few seconds ago, felt like it came to life all of a sudden, making everything around, pleasant and beautiful. Suddenly, somebody shouts, almost into my ear from the back. I turn back to look who it is and find a security guard, gazing at me, with a puzzled face. He shouts at me again and this time I could feel the anger in his tone, as I hear him ask, “Are you deaf? Did u come to college, drunk? ”. I wonder what he is talking about and I ask him in a low voice, “what happened, uncle? Why are you shouting? ” . I see his facial muscles getting strained a little more as his tone gets louder this time when he says, “It’s been ten minutes that you are talking to this pole. Are you drunk? “. I wonder why he is talking weird and I slowly turn back to look at her, if she also feels this security guard has lost it. I turn back to find no one, but a lamp post. I blink my eyes to confirm what I am looking at as I don’t want to believe what I see. I look around as people gather up to witness my inability to answer the security guard. But I try to see as far as I can, all around, just to spot her. I turn back towards the guard in vain, looking down, accepting I was wrong and I answer him, “Sorry Uncle, I dint sleep properly last night. I was a little dizzy”. He rewards me with a disgusting look, still thinking I am drunk, and he leaves. I look back at the place where I was sitting before and I ask myself, why it had to be so sweet if it was just an illusion. Tears roll down my cheeks and I feel them on my lips, circling to find the way down as new ones crawl down, as I cry. I stand there gazing at nothing, still not accepting it wasn’t true and whispering to myself, “Oh girl! Sure you left, but your essence is all around me”.

-- Azad Hussain.

In search of life.

To everyone out there, who has faced situations in life when getting up seemed so hard. Blows after blows you fell on the ground, and yet stood back up to try again, to live, to fight. and to survive.

 @Copyrights Reserved.              - Azad Hussain

I tell my heart a lie.

'cause sometimes, a little hurts more than what you'd expect. cause sometimes, a little still remains when all of it has left. and sometimes, a little, is just more than enough.

@Copyrights Reserved.         - Azad Hussain.

Have you ever wondered?

This one is for all those who like to question life. Sometimes we wonder if things could be better. If the answers could be more in favor. If the light was a lil more brighter. But we live on, stuffed with question and answers unknown.

@Copyrights Reserved.     - Azad Hussain.

I see you, walk away.

I feel so helpless, to see her walk away. I tried my best to give her a reason to stay. Spoke a million words, wrote a million lines, but still I see her...walk away.  - Azad Hussain

Copyrights Reserved.

Give me a chance.

All you need at times, i that one chance to make it right. To undo every stupid thing you have done, to live like you always wanted, and to love someone, more than you did earlier.

@Copyrights Reserved.      - Azad Hussain.

Life is you now.

When someone special sits with you without a whisper and listens to your every word, wipes away your every tear, and is the reason for you non-stop smile, you fall in love, never to get up.

@Copyrights Reserved.    - Azad Hussain.

A Sunny Yesterday.

Sometimes, you seem to look back in Life, for those happier times. By every minute, you are far ahead from the past but still something about it pulls you back. To those times, when life was much better, with everything you needed and everyone you loved.

@Copyrights Reserved.    - Azad Hussain